"Ladies and gentlemen, but especially the ladies" the announcer said, giving his eyebrows a little wiggle. He was wearing a green cap on his head, his blond hair far messier than usual. He had a clearly fake replica of the Monado Blade strapped to his back. Usually, he wasn't one to dress up, but every time he did, he had quite a bit of fun, so he decided to experiment with outfits a bit more from now on.
"Now, we have our first of two sword-wielding, blond pretty boys you'll be seeing tonight. He's the hero of Hyrule, the bearer of the Triforce of Courage, Link! The cell-shaded one with the bird, not the one with the potato flute or the dark one"
Link appeared from one side of the stadium, looking around with his large, soft blue eyes. Sometimes, he would smile, and politely wave at someone in the crowd, maybe giggle at a polite comment or a clever joke or two, but he never said any actual words. Link seemed to be pretty thoroughly armed, with the Master Sword in one hand, gleaming with the light of Evil's Bane, the Hylian Shield in the other hand, as ornate and radiant as ever, his bow strapped across his back, with a quiver to match, and a belt strapped around his green tunic, lined with bombs. His innocent, friendly smile quickly changed into a determined glare, as he assumed his battle stance, shield out, sword at the ready, in preparation for his opponent's arrival.
"Aaaaand, fighting against him, we have the Monado Boy, you know him, you love him, and he's really feeling it, it's Shulk!"
The other challenger appeared, holding the real Monado in his hand. The crimson blade was quite the sight, and he was holding the whole thing with just one hand. His body was toned, and lightly tanned, probably from the sun exposure that one gets from wearing nothing but a pair of dark blue swim trunks, leaving very, very little to the imagination. Considering the tightness of the garment, it might as well have left nothing to the imagination.
He stared at Link, waiting for him to say something, but naturally, the perpetually silent green-clad hero said nothing.
"Can you talk?" Shulk asked. "Or are you just giving me the silent treatment?"
Link shook his head, which didn't count as much of an answer.
Shulk sighed. "I suppose you're more of the quiet type, then"
Link nodded in agreement.
"Well, that's fine" he said. "That means that the smack talk will be more one-sided"
He nodded again, a friendly smile on his face.
"I believe I'm ready to start" Shulk said.
Link gave the announcer a thumbs up.
"Already, let's go ahead and begin!" he said.
Link held his sword skyward, allowing it to radiate with pure pale light. Link's blue eyes were concentrated on Shulk. He jumped up towards his opponent, swinging the Master Sword over his head, its light creating a blue arc over his head as he swung down at Shulk. Shulk swung his own Monado in a wide arc, countering Link's attack and sending his Master Sword flying out of his hands.
Link backed up a bit, smiling at Shulk, and giving him a thumbs up as a bit of congratulations for the sheer impressiveness of his sword, and his technique.
"I'll admit, even I wasn't expecting that" he said with a chuckle.
Link didn't seem discouraged, however. He pulled out his Hero's Bow, and loaded an arrow, firing it at Shulk with impressive speed and accuracy, set to aim right for his arm, to prevent him from wielding his sword. Unfortunately for Link, it was the Monado itself that prevented Link's arrow from hitting its mark, Shulk foreseeing the arrow before it hit and managing to dodge it. Never to be discouraged, Link loaded another arrow and fired again, this time, the arrow was dipped in a volatile solution, the tip burning as it sailed towards Shulk.
Shulk was taken by surprise, not expecting Link to go as far as setting him on fire. Of course, this wasn't Link's actual intend, but rather, occupy Shulk for just long enough to get his sword back.
Shulk held his sword perfectly straight, the tip of the arrow hitting his blade perfectly, splitting the projectile in two, the two flaming halves landing harmlessly behind him.
Link had just enough time to retrieve his sword, keeping his shield up and his sword drawn, inviting Shulk to make the next move.
Shulk took him up on his invitation, swinging his Monado down hard against Link's Hylian Shield. The shield, being unbreakable, deflected the hit rather well.
"Maybe I should get myself a shield" he said.
Link chuckled in return.
"Hmmmm" Shulk said. "I have an idea. How about you ditch all of your items and your shield, and we just make this a sword-only battle, to see who is truly the better swordsman"
Link paused for a moment, before unhooking his belt, allowing his bombs to fall to the ground, and laying his arrow and quiver to the ground. Lastly, he laid his shield at his feet, holding the Master Sword with two hands.
The two warriors swords clashed, sparks flying as the two legendary, unbreakable blades were crossed over and over, neither warrior showing signs of wearing down or surrendering. Their sword continued to clash, the sound of metal hitting against metal, and magical auras colliding.
Link gritted his teeth, both fighters realizing that there wasn't a way for either of them to win.
Link sighed, pulling a piece of paper out of his satchel, and writing on it with a piece of charcoal from the same satchel. He handed it to Shulk, who read it out loud
"Clearly, neither of us will be able to win, so I surrender. Being the Hero of Hyrule, I'll just be reincarnated into another hero after you digest me, so, you know, no big deal"
Shulk looked up at him, not trusting his surrender.
Link dropped the Master Sword to the ground.
Shulk used his Monado to foresee the future, and saw himself, well, consuming the surrendered Link. Apparently, the Hero's surrender was genuine.
"Hmm, this is certainly unprecedented" the announcer said. "But I will allow it! Shulk, go ahead and claim your victory!"
Shulk nodded, approaching the vulnerable Link. He opened his mouth, swallowing him gracefully, in one motion, barely spending any time stuck in Shulk's throat. Shulk's belly bulged out, sagging down over his shorts. He let out a small, gassy "urp"
The weight was a bit too much for him, causing him to fall on his back, laying down, waiting for digestion to set in. His navel had popped from how full he was, patting his own overly-swollen belly, trying to ease the pain of having someone so large inside of him.
The fact that Link wasn't putting up anything resembling a fight was much worse; the Hero of Hyrule was nothing but dead weight to him. Finally, he found a comfortable position, laying on his bloated stomach, which formed a nice, soft, pillowy surface beneath him. This caused a lot of pressure on his belly, as he let out a second burp, this one massive and thunderous.
"Well, I suppose Shulk has won!" the announcer said.