"Ladies and gentlemen" the announcer said. "We have a very special treat for you today, a pair of male fighters, the bad boys of the Nintendo universe, Dark Pit and Dark Link!"
There was a roar from the audience, particularly from its female attendees.
"First, we have the enigmatic enemy of the hero in green, Dark Link!"
Dark Link arrived from one end of the stadium, wordlessly. He wore a tunic, a shade of dark grey, with skin the color of coal, and ash-colored hair. In one hand, he held a replica of the Master Sword, and in the other, a darker version of the Hylian Shield, being light blue instead of dark blue. His eyes radiated with red light. He seemed extremely distant, his expression unchanging, and his face not moving, as he stepped towards the center in a robotic manner.
"And, our second combatant, the dark side of Palutena's favorite angel, Pittoo!"
Dark Pit only made it halfway towards the center before he turned to the announcer, steaming. "I told you not to call me that!" he said.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Pittoo" he said, laughing to himself.
Dark Pit grumbled, pulling out his Silver Bow, and firing a single, purplish-black arrow at the announcer. It flew right by his shoulder, but was enough to tear a small hole in his shirt. Dark Pit was a great shot, and if he wanted, could have easily skewered the announcer with one of his dark arrows.
"I told you not to call me Pittoo" he said, smiling, rather satisfied with himself as he strutted to the center, with quite a lot of arrogance, not even bothering to look up at the audience.
"Are you ready to fight?" he said, glaring up at him. Dark Link remained silent, not making so much as a grunt. "What, do you talk?" he said. He waved his hand in front of Dark Link's face, who didn't react. "Seriously?" he said. "Alright, if you don't want to get eaten, say something"
Dark Link didn't say a word. "Well, I'll consider that my invitation" he said, opening his mouth slightly. Before he could get it all the way open, Dark Link had stuck him across the face with his shield, and was leaping towards him, sword drawn, ready to strike down at him. Dark Pit split his bow into a pair of blades, catching Link's sword with him, saving him from being cut in half.
"For someone who doesn't talk, you really know how to fight" he said, shoving Link back, and taking the time to get back to his feet. "I should be more careful with you" he took a more serious expression. Teasing Dark Link was something that Pit would do, but not Dark Pit. Dark Pit didn't mess around.
He put his bow back together, firing a shadowy arrow at the fighter. He raised his shield, blocking it. Dark Pit gritted his teeth, firing a barrage of arrows in all directions, each one homing onto the one target.
Dark Pit rolled out of the way, dodging the first wave of arrows, but by that time, Dark Pit had already fired out a second wave. Dark Link took the barrage head-on, getting knocked back and forth, leaving him too disorientated to do anything else. Dark Pit was already beginning his follow-up, dashing towards Dark Link, raven-colored wings flapping. He turned his bow into a pair of blades again, twirling them around in his hand. He swung upwards at Dark Link, but found his blades caught by Dark Link's Master Sword. He pulled away, drawing his bow again. Dark Link might have been formal up close, but he didn't have any options at a distance, or did he?
To Dark Pit's misfortune, he did. Dark Link withdrew a a bomb from his pocket, the fuse already burning as it flew towards Dark Pit. He gritted his teeth, crossing his arms in a defensive stance, the only way he could protect himself at this point. The audience gasped. The bomb exploded a bit before it could make contact with his body, but it was still enough to send him flying. He was knocked onto his back, too injured to force himself to get up. "Ugh" he moaned, still struggling to get to his feet. His bow had landed a few feet from where he had. If he could just reach out a little bit, maybe he could still stand a chance...
Dark Link walked towards him, much slower than he could have, as if to intimidate him. Dark Pit reached his arm out. He was so close to his bow, if only...
Dark Link had reached him much sooner than he thought. He ignored him, instead focusing on reaching for his bow, until Dark Link did something unexpected, that forced Dark Pit to look at him.
Dark Link plopped himself down right on top of Dark Pit, more specifically, right on his crotch. Dark Pit was stunned, his cheeks turning a dark, angry red. "W-what are you doing?" he said, barely able to speak. "G-get off of me!"
Dark Link removed the upper part of his tunic, showing off an impressively toned body. "C-cmon" Dark Pit mumbled. Dark Link leaned in towards him, looking as though he was about to kiss the other combatant.
"H-hey!" he said. "D-don't get any ideas! I-I don't like guys or anything...do I?"
Dark Pit took a deep breath. "Y-yeah, I guess you can"
Dark Link smiled, planting a kiss right on Dark Pit's lips. The kiss deepened, and became quite passionate, quite a bit of tongue being involved. A few "Ooos" and "Aaas" came from the audience.
Dark Link pulled away from the kiss, staring directly into Dark Pit's eyes, who was grinning with delight. "You're one hell of a kisser..." he said, out of breath.
Without warning, Dark Link's mouth opened up wide, like a snake, with fangs and all, to draw Dark Pit in. Dark Pit struggled, fighting like hell, until his head reached Dark Link's throat, making it bulge, and his arms were in his mouth. He was no longer able to fight, and he decided to just let Dark Link eat him. He deserved it for letting his guard down like that.
Dark Pit plopped into Dark Link's belly. Dark Link's once flat, muscular stomach was now huge and bloated and round. He patted it in satisfaction.
"Damn, you tasted pretty good" Dark Link said to himself, smiling.